Heard about the latest great iPhone application?
It’s called “Toilet Paper”.
2009-02-24 Filed under: Amusement — mike @ 20:38
A friend just told me he was reading about how to setup the built in VPN in Windows Server…
You have to disable the firewall.
Dog Story
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: ‘Talking Dog For Sale .’ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
‘You talk?’ he asks. ‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’
The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’
‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’
‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.
‘Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’
‘Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.
Mini golf
Bloxorz
GetBlackOut
Fantastic Contraption
This is a very cool puzzle/game. Basically you build an autonomous machine to perform a simple task, with the tasks becoming increasingly difficult…
2008-11-10 Filed under: Amusement — mike @ 10:32
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten?
2007-05-19 Filed under: Amusement — mike @ 15:38
A favorite of Steven Wright’s is, “I went out today and bought some powdered water, but I couldn’t figure out what to add.”
1 - I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. but she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever…. so far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
2006-12-31 Filed under: Amusement — mike @ 18:00
2002-04-23 Filed under: Amusement — mike @ 12:53
- Dates should be displayed like this
2002/04/23 - that is, most significant numbers to the left, least significant to the right. This change is consistent with the numbering system (100,100,001) and time display (18:30:23). In these cases the established convention is to place least significant numbers to the right and most significant to the left, in order. - We should do away with the silly AM/PM bs in time display. Just use what is often called military time, or 24 hour format. I.e. 5pm is more concisely represented as 17:00.
- Fast Food Drive Through attendants need to be instructed in the proper procedure for giving change to the drive by customer. Too often, an attendant returns your bills first, laying them flat in your hand, then precariously drops the coins on top of the bills. No good. The proper procedure is to first hand you the coins. At that point you can securly grasp the coins in the palm of your hand while folding over the last three fingers, leaving your index finger and thumb to easily and securely snatch the bills.
- 13 x 28 = 364. There should be thirteen months in a year. The extra day, the 365th one, should be December 29th. The leap day, formerly Feb 29 should also be moved to December, the 30th. All other months have 28 days. Note that 7 goes into 28 nicely, thereby providing that each date of each month would land on the same day of the week. I.e. the 2nd of each month would always be on the same day of the week for one year, say Monday. Then for the next year it would be Tuesday and so on. Nice. Only thing left is to name the new month.
- All clocks and watches should be atomic. atomic-clocks.com Don’t buy another clock/watch that has to be set. All A/C powered clocks should have a built in rechargeable battery so that when the power goes out they keep working for a reasonable period of time.
- I think 30 years is long enough to switch to the metric system. Lets make it happen.
Inspired by Mark Winslow’s partial list of my favorite things and the Festivus airing of grievances.